Role of parental involvement in student success

If you ask parents what they want for their kids, most will answer, I want them to be happy and have a good life. But what does this mean?
A few years ago, the book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother gripped the public imagination in the US and Europe. The book chronicles the real-life experiences of an Asian mother in the US who raised two young daughters. Her strict parenting style focused on a purely success-based approach for her children.
The book was divisive and controversial, but it raised one crucial question. What is the correct definition of a successful life? Is raising our children to be successful at all costs in their careers the only barometer of success? Or should parents and teachers also work towards giving children a healthy emotional architecture to succeed in their relationships and find joy?
The emergence of Generative AI and other disruptive technologies like quantum computing, will mean that most students currently in school will experience a work and life environment very different from what they are used to. What skills will students need to thrive in this unpredictable future?
AI and technology might change the work landscape dramatically, but some skills will always be relevant. The most important of these skills are social-emotional skills. Social-emotional learning (SEL) is the process of developing the self-awareness, self-control, and interpersonal skills that are vital for learning, succeeding in the workplace, and creating healthy relationships in your professional and personal life. SEL gives people—from childhood through the full life span—the tools they need to build and maintain positive relationships, control strong emotions, and express empathy. Developing these skills is the key to have happy well adjusted adults.
Research shows that a shared ritual like family dinners, which ensures that all family members are in one room at a particular time every day, is hugely beneficial for a sense of connection and well-being for children. Family rituals experienced as a child has a positive effect on lifelong mental health. It is also very beneficial for parents to encourage discussions about feelings and emotions with their children.
Many well-documented studies show that qualities like grit, perseverance and resilience are far better predictors of career success than a High IQ or degrees from well-known colleges. Most parents want their children to be strong, resilient, and confident. One very important aspect of developing this is making children anti-fragile. Anti-fragility was popularised by the mathematician and author Nicolas Taleb, who defines anti-fragile as a property of a system that becomes more robust and better in response to stress. Mild adversity is crucial for the emotional development of children. Parents and educators need to distinguish between traumatic and harmful stress and mild adversity.
Extreme stress can lead to trauma and must be avoided, but mild adversity is essential. Even though it’s counterintuitive for a parent or an educator to see children suffer. It is good for children to deal with adversity early on in life because emotions like disappointment, failure, hurt, and rejection are an inevitable part of life’s journey. Overcoming difficulty is an essential part of the passage from childhood to adulthood. This is why the excessive focus on safety and efforts by parents to minimise risk, however well-intentioned, actually do great emotional harm to young people.
It leaves children ill prepared to deal with the emotional challenges which are an inevitable part of dealing with the real world.
Decision making skills are also vital for student success. The traditional age old Indian system of education had laid great emphasis on developing ‘Viveka’ – the ability to discern between right and wrong. Most students these days are deprived of the opportunity to develop these skills. Because they are deprived of the opportunity to make mistakes, kids do not learn how to properly evaluate risks, gain independence, and navigate interpersonal conflicts without relying on a third-party authority figure, like a parent or, later in life a boss.
Parents should give their children more opportunities to exercise their independence, even starting at an early age. This can be as simple as allowing them to enjoy more free and unsupervised play. When they notice conflicts arising among children during play, they should resist the temptation to intervene or make them “play fair.”
Parents would also be wise to periodically ask their independent children what new challenges they want to take on. Even small milestones like walking to school or friends’ houses on their own can be remarkably self-affirming for kids. It is also helpful for parents to remember that a good life for children is different from an easy one where parents solve all the problems. A good life also means facing challenges, distress and other emotional ups and downs with the confidence that there are adults who will let you make your mistakes but will also protect you.
The aim of a good education journey is not to teach students what to learn but how to learn. Parents can play a vital role in helping students find success in life by framing the right goals and working on them from an early childhood stage.
(Author Praneet Mungali is Trustee | Sanskriti Group of Schools, Pune. Views expressed are personal.)